On What I Can't Do

Balance is a concept that has permeated our culture.

Balance is defined like this: a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions. I think often we focus on the first part of that definition: getting everything equal. We want to balance out our work/home life. We balance spending vs saving, being productive vs relaxing, exercising vs eating ice cream.

And, in general, we find that keeping things equal is good enough. It's status quo living.

But I'm learning about the second part of that definition. About putting things into the correct proportions. And here's what I'm finding that I simply cannot balance:

These things can't co-exist. If I allow even a tiny space for worry, doubt, or anxiety it quickly grows from the small space I intended to overtaking my mental and emotional state--there is no more room for hope.

I can't simultaneous trust God and worry at the same time. They are opposite. Worry says that I don't think God is big enough or strong enough or capable enough and doubts that he loves me enough. Trust means that, no matter what, I believe that God is moving and that he is acting in ways that are for me and not against me. That in his perfect love he knows what he is doing. And his plan is better than mine.

When I allow anxious thoughts to roam my mind and when I carry all the weight around that anxiety brings, I am no longer strong enough to lift up my eyes in hope. My eyes are turned from God and are trained on the problem, despite the fact that God is the ultimate solution. He asks us to cast our anxieties on to him. Not to drag them around with us in a half-hearted effort to seek hope while still pridefully carrying the weight of burden by ourselves.

God didn't design hope to be balanced. Hope is ultimately our trust in God. Our smallest worries are offensive to hope; they stand in opposition. Hope anchors our soul, and where we have hope we cannot have worry.

I've found two ways out: we must surround ourselves with God's promises and with prayer. Choose to fill our minds with the promises of God that say that he is working for us, that he will make all things beautiful in their time, that he can take our old ways and work in new ways. He can make streams in the desert. A way for us through the wilderness.

God also promises us a future that he knows and controls and it is a good future. A future full of hope and prospering. That's the kind of promise I want to try to trust in.

And while surrounding ourselves with God's promises, we must pray and pray hard. Prayer takes the focus off of our worries and onto the God of the universe who cares about us enough to hear our prayer and give us peace.